So I lived on a public toilet stall floor, with blanket, for TWO DAYS AND NIGHTS, shivering, wishing my psychotic Pastor from childhood was right and God would actually rain fire and brimstone down onto me personally because I was a special kind of rebellious, jean-jacket-wearing 13-year-old.

Anyway, while I was trading all my internal organs for the last shred of dignity I had, I pondered life and had a few thoughts.

1. Deep down I am a chaos monster.

2. Why did I ruin such a perfect day with an obvious plate of death?

And then I completely forgot about it because my memory is terrible (I lived in Amsterdam for a year before then so you do the math).

BUT THEN, a couple of years ago, I read an amazing book called The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. And in it, he talks about self-sabotage.

And OH MY GOD….

When we’re young, we’re desperate to be like everyone else.

And that ain’t no shock. Kids are mean and they will tease over ANYTHING that stands out. (Lunatics!)

So we bent and twisted ourselves into something that we weren’t. We make sure our lunches were the same.